Six months!

This past week we celebrated the six-month anniversary of our "Gotcha Day", the day Ellie was placed in our arms.  Our travel group has kept in touch via Facebook, and it was fun seeing pictures from that amazing day as well as more recent photos of everyone's children.  What a blessing these children have been to their families!

Ellie recently had another minor surgery, this time for some dental work that needed to be done under anesthesia.  Both our pre-op and day surgery visits to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta at Scottish Rite were wonderful - their caring staff is top-notch, and the facilities are beautiful.  We are so lucky to have such a great resource for Ellie's care just 20 minutes from our house.  (And the ER is great, too, as we recently had the pleasure of experiencing once again with Samuel - two stitches above the eye after a run-in with the corner of the dining room table.  Never a dull moment...)  Ellie's dentist ended up doing less work than he thought he would need to, telling us after the surgery that her teeth are in excellent shape and she shouldn't need any additional dental work - other than standard cleanings - until her bone graft around age 6 or 7.  He extracted one badly-decayed tooth from the location of her cleft and "sealed" a couple of others - but no crowns, and her teeth are sparkling white after a good, professional cleaning. 

Ellie turns two on Friday and will be baptized on Saturday.  She loves playing with her brothers, more and more so Samuel - who hits her less and less as time goes on, but occasionally gives her a good wallop, leading to outbursts of dramatic tears not necessarily in proportion to the injustice that was done.  Samuel and Ellie's favorite activity these days involves removing their clothes and running around the house - Samuel in his new "big boy" underpants, Ellie in a diaper.  Samuel chants, "Tra-la-la!", imitating the title character in Patrick's "Captain Underpants" books - and Ellie echoes, "La-la!"  They are hilarious.  Ellie is talking up a storm, with no sentences or even combinations of words yet, but more and more single words and better and better pronunciation.  Her language development is so good, in fact, that she did not qualify for services through the state's "Babies Can't Wait" program, whose wonderful staff did a very thorough evaluation of Ellie right here in our home.  We'll follow up with the cleft team's speech pathologist in a few months. 

Ellie has gained three pounds and grown an inch and a half since we came home from China.  She has changed so much since that first day in our arms...

July 11, 2011

January 2012

Wow - it's been awhile...

As expected, time is flying now that school is in full swing and the holidays are near.  It seems every year, around Halloween, we reach the top of some invisible, cosmic hill and suddenly start rushing full speed down the other side to the end of the year.  Since my last post, Ellie has turned 22 months, Tom has had surgery (and then an emergency admission back into the hospital for complications, causing us to postpone Ellie's baptism), we've celebrated Halloween and Thanksgiving and taken a trip to Asheville to see Tom's sister and her family, Patrick has lost two teeth, Samuel has started toying with using the potty again...  Suffice it to say, our cup has runneth over.

Ellie continues to thrive.  The ear tubes have brought her hearing into normal range, and she is starting to babble - and even sing! - a lot more.  She's added a few words to her repetoire - "milk", "pumpkin" and "night-night" - and we have an evaluation scheduled next month with the state's "Babies Can't Wait" program to see if Ellie qualifies for speech therapy.  If so, they will provide services until Ellie is three, at which point the local school system will take over.  And, of course, we'll have regular speech evaluations at the cleft clinic. 

A few pictures from our visit to North Carolina.  Hard to beat the beautiful scenery...

It's still really hard to get a good picture of all three kids - stinkers! - but they're cute anyway.  :)
  

Three months home...

This week we will pass the three-month mark since our return home from China.  Thought I'd post a brief update on Ellie, and some pictures of fun fall stuff...

We recently had our first appointment with the cleft team at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.  Ellie's new surgeon, Dr. Williams, said that her lip and palate look very good.  (We knew her lip repair was awesome, so it was nice to hear that the palate repair seems to have been done well, too, as they were repaired in China by different surgeons.)  She will likely need a surgical revision to her nose and lip around the time she starts kindergarten - one of several she will have before she goes to college.  Her speech development seems good at this point, but with Ellie being so young and having had limited exposure to English, it's hard to say for sure.  The speech pathologist gave us some suggestions, and we'll have a follow-up in six months.  Ellie's dentist, Dr. Thomas, noticed some tooth decay that will need to be addressed with surgery.  We've scheduled that for early January.  Since Ellie's cleft went through the gumline, Dr. Thomas will need to do a bone graft when Ellie is six or seven in order to support her adult teeth.  Orthodontics will begin around the same time.  Ellie also had an audiology exam, which indicated some mild hearing loss in both ears and the likely presence of fluid behind the eardrums.  This was confirmed by Ellie's ENT, who recommended ear tubes (very common for children born with clefts).  That surgery is scheduled for next Monday, then we will do a follow-up with the audiologist to re-test Ellie's hearing.

Very grateful for good insurance.  :)

Now the fun stuff... Here are some pictures of the things we've been up to the past month or two.

Samuel started preschool, sporting a black eye from a run-in with our playset ladder. 

Patrick participated in his school's Boosterthon Fun Run - here he is getting squirted by the principal. 

We celebrated Patrick's birthday with a party at the kids' gymnastics studio.  Samuel in the germ - I mean, ball - pit.

In addition to outsourcing the party (a first for us, and probably a last), I let Publix make the Lightning McQueen cake.  It was yummy.

Birthday boy!  He looks especially tall to me in this picture. 

Part monkey, I'm sure of it.

Ellie on the rings - we call her Mighty Mouse.

He'll kill me for this someday.

Octoberfest at Patrick's school.  Now that we have three children, the odds of getting all of them to A) look at the camera and B) smile have diminished significantly.  I love this picture, though. 

What's a fall festival without jumpy things?  We did 'em all, and Ellie loved them.

Pumpkin painting.

Parish fall festival - more jumpy things.

Mmmmm.... meat on a stick.  Authentic Brazilian BBQ, courtesy of our parish's fabulous Brazilian community.

Brotherly love.

Venturing into the Minefield

This came across my Facebook page today, posted by a high school friend...

As much as I've enjoyed reading about Steve Jobs's amazing life and achievements since his sad passing last week, I have to say this particular tribute irked me a little.

I'm not much of a "PC" kind of person, but first of all, a little rant about the term "put up for adoption".  It's a careless term, one that implies a sort of nonchalance on the part of birth parents - as if they conducted an auction or raffle or something.  It also carries the stigma of rejection, the "unwanted" child who was "lucky" to find a family.  Children are PLACED WITH ADOPTIVE FAMILIES for various reasons - sometimes these placements are ethical and beneficial, and sometimes they are not.  (The seemingly endless debate about the ethics of adoption is complex, emotional, and sometimes downright mean.  I have had my heart pierced countless times while perusing the internet and participating in discussions with people who've been affected by adoption.  It's a minefield out there.  But I have learned.  A lot.  And for that I am grateful - although I do wish that people could dispense with the ad hominem attacks, mostly directed toward adoptive parents, and focus on the issues at hand; and that people could set aside their prejudices and preconceived notions about other members of the "adoption triad" - adoptees, birth/first parents and adoptive parents - and accept the fact that these are hard questions with equally hard answers, and that none of us possesses the necessary wisdom to solve all the problems that lead to relinquishment without the potential for causing unintended consequences...) 

In the case of Steve Jobs, he appears to have been placed with a loving couple who nurtured his God-given talents and provided the opportunity for him to achieve his full potential.  Could his birth parents, with some support, have done the same?  Perhaps - and no doubt many of the talents possessed by Steve Jobs were, at least in part, inherited from his birth parents (a method by which God gives us certain traits and abilities).  But I don't think the perception of adoption as some sort of "handicap" serves anyone well, particularly those who were adopted.   

Adoption begins with loss, there's no questioning that.  The extent to which this loss affects a child - and the adult he/she becomes - is very individual and therefore hard to quantify and impossible to predict.  Some adoptees spend little time pondering the circumstances and "what-ifs" of their adoption, and simply consider themselves fortunate to have been placed with their adoptive families; others feel deeply wounded and express a great deal of anger about the loss of their birth families.  Neither reaction is right or wrong - it is what it is for each person.  I suspect that most adoptees fall somewhere in between the "extremes", and we all know from experience that seemingly contradictory emotions can be felt at the same time.  Life is hard, and human beings are complicated. I recently read this excellent essay on the topic of "adoption guilt".  It was written by an adult adoptee who is also an adoptive parent.  I found it beautiful and inspiring, not just as an adoptive parent but also as a human being.

We can - and should - continue the debate about the ethics of adoption.  I have many thoughts on that topic, and maybe someday I will find the time and energy - between diaper changes, loads of laundry, doctors' appointments, childhood illnesses and sibling conflicts - to piece those thoughts into coherent sentences and post them on the blog as a form of cheap therapy.  But I think we need to dispense with the stereotypes about birth parents, adoptive parents, and mostly about adoptees - including my daughter and the woman she will become - because while we all are shaped by our experiences, we are also more than the sum of them.  Steve Jobs did not become an American success story primarily because he was adopted, nor do I think it's fair to say (or imply) that he did so in spite of the fact that he was adopted.  He was a talented, successful, complex human being who happened to have had adoption as a part of his history.  I don't know whether he would have changed the fact of his adoption if he could have.  I have a feeling, though, that he did not consider it some sort of "disability" or an obstacle to achievement.  Neither should we.                         

Two months home...

... and 20 months old today!  Ellie continues to amaze and amuse us with her spunky personality and (nearly) seamless transition into our family.  She is starting to use several words, although her version of them pretty much all start with /b/ or /g/ ("Mama" being a notable and welcome exception).  She says "ball" and "bye-bye" pretty clearly, as well as the most useful expression in any toddler's vocabulary - "Uh-oh!".  Other words include "GahGah" for Daddy, "Gaa" for Patrick, "NgNg" for Ginger, "bop" for book, "Boppoh" for Copper, the neighbor's dog...  So I think we're on the verge of a big word explosion, once Ellie masters a few more sounds.  Even better, she seems to understand more and more of what we're saying, and continues using signs we've taught her and sounds/gestures of her own in order to communicate what she wants.  Books have begun to hold her interest a little more, so we can usually make it through several pages before she closes the book and chooses a different one.  Progress!      

The kids are having so much fun together.  Patrick and Samuel have rekindled their brotherly friendship, now that the newness of Ellie has worn off a little and Patrick has realized that Samuel can lots of things Ellie can't do yet.  Yesterday the boys played together down in the basement while I fixed dinner, with no yelling and no tears.  Amazing.  Samuel now plays with Ellie more often than he hits her.  (It's a bit of stretch at this age to say they actually play together, but Samuel will often bring Ellie a toy, offer to give her a turn at something, entertain her while she's at the table or having her diaper changed - and she, in turn, tries to imitate everything he does, which is so endearing and also a bit scary, because Samuel is practically fearless and has the bruises to prove it.) 

The year is beginning to fly by again, now that school has started and things are going more smoothly here at home.  We recently celebrated Patrick's 7th birthday, and talk of Halloween costumes has begun.  Fall is in the air - as well as some much-needed rain - and we are enjoying (mostly) uninterrupted sleep.  Life is sweet. 

Happy 20-month Birthday, Ellie!

Enjoying a cupcake on Patrick's birthday

Bedtime Follies

Going from two kids to three has been a pretty big adjustment in many ways, but one of the most difficult (and, on my part, least expected) new challenges has been managing bedtime.

My husband doesn't have a 9 to 5 kind of job.  He does his best to be around to help out during the week, but that means he's usually home at 7 instead of staying until midnight or later (which he could easily do and probably still have work to bring home).  So I feed the kids at around 6, and once Daddy comes home it's bathtime - and then things are pretty much a blur for the next hour and a half or so while we try to get everybody settled for the night (or whatever portion of the night they happen to sleep).  When Tom is out of town or has to work late, it's even more insane.  Not because three kids is all that many, mind you, but because two of them are rambunctious, willful toddlers who don't follow directions, aren't yet able to do anything for themselves, and can't be left alone for five seconds - and Patrick, as helpful as he can be at times, is a six-year-old boy, which makes him slightly more inclined to ramp things up than he is to help settle things down.

I would love to get to the point where Tom or I could read to Samuel and Ellie together, but they are just too young right now and Ellie isn't used to sitting through story time.  So after we've done the bath and managed to wrangle the little ones into their PJs, Patrick gets his stories first - since he usually gets up the earliest and is way beyond napping - while one of us entertains the little ones in the playroom.  Then it's Samuel's turn for stories with Daddy, and Ellie's turn with me.  That's when the real fun begins.

Ellie loves her bottle.  We sit in her darkened room while she drinks her formula, with her lovey in the crook of one arm and her nearest arm tucked under mine (LOVE that).  White-noise machine, blackout curtains, ceiling fan on "high" to cool the room.  We hold each other while we rock, and I sing, and it's all incredibly sweet - until the formula is gone.  Then begins a routine that can only be described as a cross between a dance, a wrestling match and an Olympic floor-pacing event.  Ellie wiggles.  She squirms.  She playfully pinches.  Sometimes, she hits - babbling and giggling all the while.  I get up out of the glider and walk slowly back and forth across the room, cradling her and singing softly.  She tries to get down - at which point I place her gently in her crib, stroking her softly and still singing.  She wiggles.  She squirms.  She babbles and bounces.  I pick her up and begin pacing again, trying to cradle her as she writhes in my arms - and ultimately, sometimes after several repeats, she falls asleep.  Often within moments of being at her squirmiest.  I pace a few minutes more to be sure she is asleep, then ever-so-carefully place her in the crib and tiptoe out of her room.  Whew.

I recently described a little of this routine to my mom, and when I got to the carrying-Ellie-around-the-room part she said, "Oh, you don't want to start that, do you?"  A fair question - from a person who's never parented a recently-adopted toddler.  No, at 19 months I wouldn't have been pacing the floor with either of my boys, unless they were sick.  But Ellie has only been home six weeks - and sleep-wise, response-time-wise, we are to treat her as if she were a newborn.  A newborn who happens to weigh 23 pounds.  Exhausting, yes - but it's been great for my biceps, and I've lost more than 10 pounds since we got back from China.  The really good news is, it's usually taking less than half an hour now - at one point, it had been taking about an hour each night to get her to sleep.  And truth be told, I wouldn't miss the struggle for anything -  because in sticking through it we are building trust, which is our most important task right now.  An easier bedtime routine will have to wait.

By the way, she hasn't slept through the night again since I posted about it on the blog.  Jinx.                

Shhh... don't say anything...

Ellie has slept through the night the past two nights.  Heaven. 

Shhh...  :)