Bedtime Follies

Going from two kids to three has been a pretty big adjustment in many ways, but one of the most difficult (and, on my part, least expected) new challenges has been managing bedtime.

My husband doesn't have a 9 to 5 kind of job.  He does his best to be around to help out during the week, but that means he's usually home at 7 instead of staying until midnight or later (which he could easily do and probably still have work to bring home).  So I feed the kids at around 6, and once Daddy comes home it's bathtime - and then things are pretty much a blur for the next hour and a half or so while we try to get everybody settled for the night (or whatever portion of the night they happen to sleep).  When Tom is out of town or has to work late, it's even more insane.  Not because three kids is all that many, mind you, but because two of them are rambunctious, willful toddlers who don't follow directions, aren't yet able to do anything for themselves, and can't be left alone for five seconds - and Patrick, as helpful as he can be at times, is a six-year-old boy, which makes him slightly more inclined to ramp things up than he is to help settle things down.

I would love to get to the point where Tom or I could read to Samuel and Ellie together, but they are just too young right now and Ellie isn't used to sitting through story time.  So after we've done the bath and managed to wrangle the little ones into their PJs, Patrick gets his stories first - since he usually gets up the earliest and is way beyond napping - while one of us entertains the little ones in the playroom.  Then it's Samuel's turn for stories with Daddy, and Ellie's turn with me.  That's when the real fun begins.

Ellie loves her bottle.  We sit in her darkened room while she drinks her formula, with her lovey in the crook of one arm and her nearest arm tucked under mine (LOVE that).  White-noise machine, blackout curtains, ceiling fan on "high" to cool the room.  We hold each other while we rock, and I sing, and it's all incredibly sweet - until the formula is gone.  Then begins a routine that can only be described as a cross between a dance, a wrestling match and an Olympic floor-pacing event.  Ellie wiggles.  She squirms.  She playfully pinches.  Sometimes, she hits - babbling and giggling all the while.  I get up out of the glider and walk slowly back and forth across the room, cradling her and singing softly.  She tries to get down - at which point I place her gently in her crib, stroking her softly and still singing.  She wiggles.  She squirms.  She babbles and bounces.  I pick her up and begin pacing again, trying to cradle her as she writhes in my arms - and ultimately, sometimes after several repeats, she falls asleep.  Often within moments of being at her squirmiest.  I pace a few minutes more to be sure she is asleep, then ever-so-carefully place her in the crib and tiptoe out of her room.  Whew.

I recently described a little of this routine to my mom, and when I got to the carrying-Ellie-around-the-room part she said, "Oh, you don't want to start that, do you?"  A fair question - from a person who's never parented a recently-adopted toddler.  No, at 19 months I wouldn't have been pacing the floor with either of my boys, unless they were sick.  But Ellie has only been home six weeks - and sleep-wise, response-time-wise, we are to treat her as if she were a newborn.  A newborn who happens to weigh 23 pounds.  Exhausting, yes - but it's been great for my biceps, and I've lost more than 10 pounds since we got back from China.  The really good news is, it's usually taking less than half an hour now - at one point, it had been taking about an hour each night to get her to sleep.  And truth be told, I wouldn't miss the struggle for anything -  because in sticking through it we are building trust, which is our most important task right now.  An easier bedtime routine will have to wait.

By the way, she hasn't slept through the night again since I posted about it on the blog.  Jinx.                

Shhh... don't say anything...

Ellie has slept through the night the past two nights.  Heaven. 

Shhh...  :)

One month home

We've reached the one-month mark, and things are starting to settle in.  Life with two toddlers is a challenge, and we definitely have our moments of feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed.  (Especially me.)  But Ellie is doing great, and every day we can see that she's becoming more and more comfortable with us.  Her diet has advanced amazingly fast - she's gone from gagging on small pieces of watermelon in China to eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and hot dogs.  She is active, inquisitive and affectionate.  She uses several signs to communicate, and is babbling constantly now.  Her pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health, with all of her blood work and stool studies coming back normal.  We can't wait to see what the next few months will bring!

Here's one of my favorite pics of our cute girl, who is 19 months old today.  :)

Our little ladybug

    

On a lighter note...

Starting to (sort of) enjoy being a big brother...

They always do this right when I'm about to start making dinner.

Loves spaghetti!

Playing nice...

Still playing nice...

A visit from my sister's family - what a crew!

Fun with Daddy and cousin Jason

The Summer of our Discontent

It's hot.  We're all tired.  The house is cluttered, which drives me nuts.  The kids are cranky and bored.  We could all use a vacation, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen anytime soon.  Blah.

I think no matter how you add a child to your family, the first few months really suck.  Sure, there are lots of happy firsts, and we've certainly had our share of smiles getting to know Ellie and enjoying our three children.  But there's still a lot of adjusting to do, and quite honestly I have never worked harder in my life than I have these past few weeks.  And there is no sign of a break.

Samuel continues to struggle mightily in his new position as middle child, and while it's totally normal and assuredly temporary, it is hard to watch him be so miserable.  Not to mention listen to all the whining.  He is acting out in every possible way, including being aggressive toward Ellie which is hard to deal with.  I miss my smiley, goofy, happy-go-lucky boy.  Patrick is great with Ellie and generally tries to be helpful, but he seems to have decided to spend the last few weeks of summer honing his debating skills in preparation for first grade.  He really, really needs to go back to school.  Ellie is doing incredibly well, but has started getting up really early in the morning (a Warren trait she's quickly acquired), so I'm starting each day with a child in my arms before I've even had a chance to brush my teeth.  I haven't had a full, hot cup of coffee in weeks.  

One bright spot in our efforts to survive these first few weeks has been the tremendous blessing of food from our friends and family.  My mom and mother-in-law left food in the freezer for us, and a number of friends have brought us dinner since we've been home.  What a great gift in the midst of our own little chaos every evening.

Without wishing away the time completely, I do have to try to look forward a little just to keep my sanity.  In the short term, I'm looking forward to my dad's visit this coming week, school starting for Patrick and Samuel, and Ellie getting more and more comfortable every day.  Maybe even sleeping in a little once again.  In the long term, I think our spirits will lift once the temperatures begin to drop and we can spend more time outdoors.  Fall is such a fun time of year, and we'll get some family time at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Seems like a long way off right now, but as they say, the days are long but the years are short when your children are young, and someday soon this time of adjustment will seem like a dream - and a not-so-bad one at that.   

"What happened to her parents?"

Wow.  Wasn't really ready for someone I'd JUST MET to ask me that question about Ellie.  The answer I gave - "We don't know" - is true, and frankly about as much as this person was entitled to hear even if it weren't.  (I suppose a snarky, adoption-minded reply would have been, "Why, nothing has happened to her parents - her dad is at work and I'm right here."  But I never think of those zingers at the right time, and even if I did I'd probably be too chicken to use them.  Damn.)

The sad fact is that we don't have any information about Ellie's birth parents.  There is no legal channel for parents to place their children for adoption in China.  The children are relinquished anonymously - in other words, they are abandoned.   

We know some details of how Ellie came to be cared for by the Jiaozuo Social Welfare Institute, but as far as we're concerned, that information belongs to her and isn't ours to share.  This is a great article explaining the importance of privacy in matters related to adoption.  I'm going to re-read it and start working on my standard, gracious-but-assertive reply to nosy, annoying questions.       

Too tired to post much...

... but we have survived the first week home and are starting to get a little more sleep each night.  Ellie continues to do well, but there has been more grief and apprehension since we've been home and it's been very hard at times - not to mention dealing with Samuel, our two-year-old, who is a complete disaster.  (The second day Ellie was home, he told her to "go to China!".  Oy.)  So we are exhausted, but each day things get a little better - and, praise God, Samuel starts preschool in just a few weeks. 

I won't stay up late to write, but here are a few happy memories from our trip to China - Ellie and Daddy.  :)

Yes, that's Daddy's Blackberry Ellie's using in the last picture.  We promise not to buy her a cell phone anytime soon.