One month home

We've reached the one-month mark, and things are starting to settle in.  Life with two toddlers is a challenge, and we definitely have our moments of feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed.  (Especially me.)  But Ellie is doing great, and every day we can see that she's becoming more and more comfortable with us.  Her diet has advanced amazingly fast - she's gone from gagging on small pieces of watermelon in China to eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and hot dogs.  She is active, inquisitive and affectionate.  She uses several signs to communicate, and is babbling constantly now.  Her pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health, with all of her blood work and stool studies coming back normal.  We can't wait to see what the next few months will bring!

Here's one of my favorite pics of our cute girl, who is 19 months old today.  :)

Our little ladybug

    

On a lighter note...

Starting to (sort of) enjoy being a big brother...

They always do this right when I'm about to start making dinner.

Loves spaghetti!

Playing nice...

Still playing nice...

A visit from my sister's family - what a crew!

Fun with Daddy and cousin Jason

The Summer of our Discontent

It's hot.  We're all tired.  The house is cluttered, which drives me nuts.  The kids are cranky and bored.  We could all use a vacation, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen anytime soon.  Blah.

I think no matter how you add a child to your family, the first few months really suck.  Sure, there are lots of happy firsts, and we've certainly had our share of smiles getting to know Ellie and enjoying our three children.  But there's still a lot of adjusting to do, and quite honestly I have never worked harder in my life than I have these past few weeks.  And there is no sign of a break.

Samuel continues to struggle mightily in his new position as middle child, and while it's totally normal and assuredly temporary, it is hard to watch him be so miserable.  Not to mention listen to all the whining.  He is acting out in every possible way, including being aggressive toward Ellie which is hard to deal with.  I miss my smiley, goofy, happy-go-lucky boy.  Patrick is great with Ellie and generally tries to be helpful, but he seems to have decided to spend the last few weeks of summer honing his debating skills in preparation for first grade.  He really, really needs to go back to school.  Ellie is doing incredibly well, but has started getting up really early in the morning (a Warren trait she's quickly acquired), so I'm starting each day with a child in my arms before I've even had a chance to brush my teeth.  I haven't had a full, hot cup of coffee in weeks.  

One bright spot in our efforts to survive these first few weeks has been the tremendous blessing of food from our friends and family.  My mom and mother-in-law left food in the freezer for us, and a number of friends have brought us dinner since we've been home.  What a great gift in the midst of our own little chaos every evening.

Without wishing away the time completely, I do have to try to look forward a little just to keep my sanity.  In the short term, I'm looking forward to my dad's visit this coming week, school starting for Patrick and Samuel, and Ellie getting more and more comfortable every day.  Maybe even sleeping in a little once again.  In the long term, I think our spirits will lift once the temperatures begin to drop and we can spend more time outdoors.  Fall is such a fun time of year, and we'll get some family time at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Seems like a long way off right now, but as they say, the days are long but the years are short when your children are young, and someday soon this time of adjustment will seem like a dream - and a not-so-bad one at that.   

"What happened to her parents?"

Wow.  Wasn't really ready for someone I'd JUST MET to ask me that question about Ellie.  The answer I gave - "We don't know" - is true, and frankly about as much as this person was entitled to hear even if it weren't.  (I suppose a snarky, adoption-minded reply would have been, "Why, nothing has happened to her parents - her dad is at work and I'm right here."  But I never think of those zingers at the right time, and even if I did I'd probably be too chicken to use them.  Damn.)

The sad fact is that we don't have any information about Ellie's birth parents.  There is no legal channel for parents to place their children for adoption in China.  The children are relinquished anonymously - in other words, they are abandoned.   

We know some details of how Ellie came to be cared for by the Jiaozuo Social Welfare Institute, but as far as we're concerned, that information belongs to her and isn't ours to share.  This is a great article explaining the importance of privacy in matters related to adoption.  I'm going to re-read it and start working on my standard, gracious-but-assertive reply to nosy, annoying questions.       

Too tired to post much...

... but we have survived the first week home and are starting to get a little more sleep each night.  Ellie continues to do well, but there has been more grief and apprehension since we've been home and it's been very hard at times - not to mention dealing with Samuel, our two-year-old, who is a complete disaster.  (The second day Ellie was home, he told her to "go to China!".  Oy.)  So we are exhausted, but each day things get a little better - and, praise God, Samuel starts preschool in just a few weeks. 

I won't stay up late to write, but here are a few happy memories from our trip to China - Ellie and Daddy.  :)

Yes, that's Daddy's Blackberry Ellie's using in the last picture.  We promise not to buy her a cell phone anytime soon.

At last

So good to be home.  We are exhausted and a little overwhelmed, but so happy to finally have our family together.  Adjustments are being made, as we've now made the shift from man-to-man coverage to a zone defense - I'm learning to let some of the little things get by and just focus on not giving up the big yardage.  There are still things to unpack, pictures to organize, phone calls to return.  We've been up since 3:30 AM.  But everyone in the family is fed, including the dog.  Everyone has on clean clothes.  It's just before 9 PM and the children are all asleep.  Life is beautiful.

Ellie is now an American citizen.  It was a pretty complicated mix of emotions as we left China to bring Ellie home, and time alone will tell how she will feel about all of this when she grows up.  There will be many questions we cannot answer, and others we won't want to - but we will for her sake, when the time is right.  In the end, it will be Ellie's story to tell.  But I hope that she will always be proud to be Chinese and glad to be an American.

I have lots of pictures to sort through from our trip, so I will post some favorites over the next week or so.  Many thanks to Sharon Nix for being our blogger while we were traveling.  And a few people have asked what we need for Ellie, which is so sweet, but really we need nothing.  If anyone wishes to give a gift for Ellie, we would love a donation in her honor to one of the following organizations (who will know her by her Chinese name, Hu San Ping)...

The New Hope Foundation , who cared for Ellie from a very early age until we adopted her, providing her with expert medical care and lots of TLC.  Ellie is the happy, healthy child she is because of the Hope Foundation.

MedArt of Hong Kong - China Orphan Outreach, whose talented doctors performed surgery on Ellie pro bono, including a lip repair that truly is a work of art. 

Chinese Children Charity Fund, a charitable organization established by our adoption agency to improve the quality of life of the many, many abandoned children in China who will not be placed for adoption, most of whom have medical needs. 
   

Headed Home

We're in the Shanghai airport awaiting our flight to Atlanta.  Ellie is a good little traveler - she slept in my arms most of the way from Guangzhou, after only a few minutes of crying.  We're so glad to be on a non-stop flight home.  Once we pass through Customs and Immigration in Atlanta, we are home free.   

 

It was sad to part ways with our awesome travel group.  We have lots of great pictures from the famous "red couch" at the White Swan Hotel, and from Lucy's Bar and Grill where we had dinner with several families last night.  I'll post more pictures when I can.

 

With each passing leg of the journey behind us, we feel a growing sense of relief and contentment.  We've missed the boys so much, and we are eager to begin the task of establishing our "new normal".  We can't wait for everyone to meet Ellie, but for a little while after we get home we will need to concentrate on just being a family.  It's easy for children who are newly adopted to feel overwhelmed, and the three of us are going to be dealing with jet lag and probably not sleeping very well, so we are planning to take it one day at a time and see how Ellie's adjustment goes.  We'll also have quite a few doctor's visits in the coming weeks.  Hopefully we'll be ready for visitors soon. 

 

So long from China.  We can hardly wait to be home.