New pictures!!!!

Hu San Ping, 3/29/2011

It's hard to describe how much this just totally makes our day. 

Many thanks to Pam in the Waiting Child Department at CCAI for sending along these cute photos of our daughter, along with some very encouraging growth stats.

She's beautiful! 

The waiting... is the hardest part... -Tom Petty

Still stalking the mailman, only now it's for our I800A since we've already had our fingerprints done.  I can't really expect that we would receive it before April 1st, since that was the date of our official fingerprint appointment - and that was probably based on when they thought our file would be pulled for review - but a girl can dream...

My birthday is April 9th - maybe dear old Uncle Sam will send me a present this year...  :)  It would make up for all those years I've had to get my taxes done right around the same time.

What's in a name?

A lot, apparently - because we can't decide what to name our daughter and it's starting to drive me (and some of our friends and family members) nuts.  So far we have decided that we will probably keep both of her Chinese given names (San Ping) as a middle name, written "Sanping".  "San" is written with the Chinese character for "three" and pronouced "sahn", and "Ping" is written with a character for "peaceful" - as in "level" or "smooth" - and pronounced "pyung" with a rising tone, like a question to our American ears.  (It's important to know which Chinese characters are used in her name, because the phonetic spelling of a Chinese word - a system known as "pinyin" - can actually represent more than one Chinese character, and therefore have different meanings.)  We've asked some Mandarin speakers (one of whom is a native speaker) whether "San Ping" has any particular meaning when used together, since the use of the number "three" in a name seemed rather mysterious to us.  As it turns out, there isn't any special meaning for the two characters used together, but we've decided to keep both anyway.  The names are a part of her history, and she did turn out to be our third child, so in that sense it was meant to be.  :)  "Hu" is a surname that she was given, and although we will share her full Chinese name with her we will not incorporate the surname into her legal American name.  This is pretty typical among families who have adopted from China.

So we do have an English middle name and a Chinese middle name (she'll have both), but we're still negotiating on an English first name.  We will have to let our agency know prior to our trip, because there is some paperwork that will require her American name and we can't make any changes after that.  It's good to have a deadline, because we named both boys after they were born and I think this could drag on indefinitely if we  were left to our own devices.  I will admit to having gotten my first choice with both boys' names - probably a result of the "sympathy vote" following two long labors and two unplanned c-sections.  That's obviously not going to be a factor this time (I don't think paper cuts and long waits in various government offices really count).

I do hope we can decide soon.  It would be one more step closer... 

TRAVEL UPDATE - Yesterday we were able to walk in and have our fingerprints done at the Atlanta support center for the USCIS.  This was 10 days ahead of our scheduled appointment, so it may help move things along.  Wonderful Chaunda, our casework at the Atlanta CCAI office, has sent the USCIS an email to let them know we had our fingerprints done early and ask whether an officer has pulled our file yet for review.  Since we've now been fingerprinted, our USCIS approval should come within days of an officer pulling our file.  Once we receive our approval, our agency will send our next application to the USCIS, seeking specific permission to bring our daughter to the U.S. as an adopted child and new U.S. citizen, and as soon as the USCIS receives that application the clock will begin ticking for an 11-15 week estimated wait to travel to China.  

To China, with love...

We sent San Ping two care packages today.  I meant to take pictures of the things we sent so that we could show her someday, since there is a chance we will never see the items again.  So right now I'm a little annoyed with myself for forgetting to do that.

In one box, we put some things just for her - a photo book with pictures of our family (including the dog!), complete with Chinese labels very helpfully provided by our agency; a "lovey" blanket with a cute bear face and satin edges; a ball with a bell inside it;  and a disposable camera labeled with her name, so that her caregivers can take pictures of where she has lived and the nannies and children whom she has known.  We hope to at least receive the camera back.  The other box contained some clothing, a few toys for the children (bubbles, an inflatable beach ball), a small box of candies for the orphanage director, and a cloth book handed down from the boys.  Each box contained a letter to the orphanage director - again, provided by our agency - explaining what the box was for and expressing our thanks for caring for our daughter.  We also had a place to indicate on each letter whether we wanted the items back or not.  We indicated "yes" for the first box, and "no" for the second, because we would like the orphanage to have those things.  I'm so grateful to our agency for giving us the resources to make it easy to send packages to San Ping.  It means a lot to be able to have some contact with her, however remote.

It all feels so inadequate, though.  For easy passage through customs, the packages are supposed to be no larger than standard shoeboxes.  The postage almost cost more than the items themselves.  This is our daughter, and these are the people who are caring for her, and we can do so little.

On the advice of someone who works closely with the orphanage in Jiaozuo, I didn't include anything for the nannies because San Ping isn't being cared for there.  We aren't supposed to send anything to the charity who is caring for her, because the U.S. and Chinese governments have strict limits regarding the contact adoptive parents can have with anyone outside the child's legal guardianship, which is through the orphanage.  It's all for good reason, but frustrating nonetheless because we know where she is but can't send things directly to her or to the people who are taking care of her.  Someday we will be able to thank them.

Speaking of the orphanage and guardianship, one bit of good news I received from the woman in Jiaozuo is the fact that, while San Ping will return to the welfare institute prior to our adoption, she will continue to be cared for by the same charity with whom she's been living for the past seven months.  This is especially good news because the orphanages in Henan province are not among the best in China.  When the time comes for San Ping to return to Jiaozuo in order for us to complete the adoption, a volunteer from the charity will accompany her from Beijing to Jiaozuo.  Then, rather than returning to the orphanage division, she will stay on the 4th floor of the institute, which is where the charity now has a brand-new facility to care for children.  So she will continue to receive more TLC than she would in the orphanage.  This was a huge relief to us, and we've been able to see pictures of this facility on the charity's website - it's bright, cheerful and well-staffed.  We are so blessed...

We have a date...

...to be fingerprinted by the USCIS.  March 28, 2011 at 3 PM.  I found this out after placing a call to the USCIS National Benefits Center, which handles adoption applications.  I have to admit that, being a cynic, I was expecting to be on hold for a long time and not get a very sympathetic response.  I was pleasantly surprised on both counts.  After selecting "1" for Hague adoptions (we are considered a "Hague case"- not to be confused with a "head case", which I certainly feel like at times - because our original immigration approval has expired and both the U.S. and China have now fully implemented the Hague convention on international adoption), the line rang once and then a REAL, LIVE HUMAN BEING answered the phone and checked on our application.  She found our appointment date and was printing our appointment notifications (which we will need to bring with us) as we spoke.  So they should be in the mail today and we will receive them within a couple of days.  The really good news is that we don't have to wait until our appointment - once we have the notification form, we can show up and be fingerprinted sooner - we'll just be in line behind everyone who has an appointment at the time we choose to go.

The nice lady at the Benefits Center also said that their processing time has been between 45 and 60 days.  I said, "For the whole application, or just for the fingerprints?"  She said, "Oh, for the whole thing."  Which means we may receive our I800A approval by early to mid April, at which point our I800 application (for specific permission to bring our daughter home) can be sent to the USCIS right away, as well as our request for travel approval from the Chinese government.  Travel approval (TA) can take from 11-15 weeks to receive, but I don't think it will take that long...    

I have become a stalker.

Of our mailman, that is.  We're awaiting our fingerprinting appointment notification from the USCIS, so several times a day I look to see if the mailman's come and hope to find a nice letter in our box from the Department of Homeland Security.  (We received one from them just last week, letting us know that our I800A application had been received.  I sometimes wonder if our mailman thinks we're up to no good, getting all these official-looking letters.  That and the fact that I probably appear to be a little nuts.)

Once we have our fingerprinting invitation, we can go to the local immigration office and have our fingerprints taken (for the 2nd time since we started this journey).  After the USCIS runs our fingerprints and determines that we still don't have criminal records, they will approve our I800A ("Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country" - the "Convention" being the Hague treaty governing international adoption, to which both China and the U.S. are signatories).  The I800A basically means that the U.S. government has examined our home study and performed a background check and determined that we are fit to adopt a child.  Immediately after being notified that we've received our I800A, our agency will submit the I800 application we recently filled out ("Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative"), which specifically gives us the U.S. government's permission to adopt our daughter.  At the same time, our agency will submit our "Letter of Acceptance" (already signed by us and waiting at CCAI's office in Beijing), which is the Chinese government's official document matching us to our daughter and giving us their permission to adopt her.  Once China receives our signed LOA, they will issue a travel approval (TA) for us to go to China and bring our daughter home.  Travel approvals typically are received 11-15 weeks after the LOA is sent to China - but everything has been moving so fast on the China end since we were matched with our daughter, I think it will be faster than that.  And then we'll travel 2-4 weeks later, once our agency has been able to secure an appointment for us at the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, which will issue our daughter's visa to return to the U.S.   Immediately after we arrive in the U.S., she will be a U.S. citizen.  The adoption itself will be legal and permanent sometime during our first week in China, while we are in Zhengzhou (the capital of Henan Province, where our daughter was born).  There's a process we can go through after we return to obtain a U.S. birth certificate for our daughter, but she will be legally ours before we come home. 

Whew.  You need a scorecard to keep up with all this.  Thank goodness for the wonderful CCAI ladies in the Waiting Child department and at the Georgia office.  They're keeping it all together for us.  As for me, I'm going to check the mail.  Again.

Why?

People sometimes seem surprised that we have continued with our plans to adopt, since we were able to have a second child "of our own" after all.  (For what it's worth, using the term "own" in reference to a couple's biological child/ren, as opposed to a couple's child/ren by adoption, is highly offensive.  Regardless of how a child joins the family, she is every bit her parents' "own", and they are 100 percent hers.  When it's necessary to make a distinction between a child/sibling who was born into the family vs. one who was adopted, then the terms "biological" or "by birth" should be used - not "your own", "their own", "natural" or, God forbid, "real".  Most of the time, it's not at all relevant whether a child was adopted or born into the family.  It just isn't.  So why bother making a distinction?)

Why do couples adopt when they already have biological children?  (It happens a lot, by the way.)  In our case, we began the adoption process when it appeared that we wouldn't be able to conceive a second child.  People seem to "get" this, because most people don't want their kid to be an only child.  But when you go beyond two, either by birth or through adoption, people wonder why.  If you have two boys or two girls, people assume you're trying for the opposite gender.  As if kids are salt and pepper shakers, and you need a matching set, and darn, it didn't happen the 2nd time around so you'd better go for a third.  But if it doesn't work this time, you should probably just call it quits.  Because four is just WAAAAY too many!  *sigh*  Good grief.  What a strange attitude we have toward the gift of a child.  In the case of adoption, people may assume that you're adopting in order to guarantee the gender you desire.  (I have to admit here that it is a bit of a plus that we were able to request a girl when we re-submitted our medical conditions checklist to our agency.  We discussed it a lot, though - so it wasn't a given, and it certainly wasn't our reason for continuing with our plans to adopt.  And on our first checklist, when we just had Patrick, we put "either" for the requested gender - which probably meant we'd be matched with a boy, since most couples want girls.  So we would have ended up with two boys even if we hadn't had Samuel.)

Why does anybody have more kids?  For that matter, why does anybody have kids at all?  I think if your heart's in the right place then the answers to those questions are the same whether you're trying to conceive or adopt, whether you have zero kids or ten.  Children are a gift.  They bring us joy.  They help us to fulfill our purpose.  They are the embodiment of a couple's love and commitment.  Children make us proud and keep us humble.  They somehow manage to turn us gray and help us stay young at the same time.  And as much work as it is adding a child to your family, when you see your kids together - no matter how long it took you to have them or how you went about doing it - you just can't imagine one without the others.  And they can't imagine it either, because siblings are woven into the fabric of each other's lives and their presence to one another is like the air they breathe.  Only more annoying at times.

Why don't we just have another child by birth?  Maybe we could.  But we probably can't.  A startling fact for many people is the relationship between age and fertility.  Sure, we all know of women who've gotten pregnant without any special help well into their 40s.  But those women are the exception, not the rule.  The celebrities you see giving birth in their mid-40s and beyond?  There's an awfully good chance those babies were conceived with someone else's eggs.  In our parents' generation, most couples were "done" having kids by the time they reached their 30s, let alone their 40s.  What our generation is finding out is that there is a precipitous decline in a woman's fertility beginning around age 35 - the age at which I gave birth to our first child.  Beyond age 40 or so, many (perhaps most) women cannot conceive without medical intervention - often very invasive, expensive,  and stressful intervention with a low percentage of success.  Not to mention the moral concerns for those of us who happen to be Catholic.  After trying more than 2 1/2 years for our second child, we were told by a reproductive endocrinologist that our chances of conceiving spontaneously were somewhere between slim and none.  Then along came Samuel.  Perhaps we should have named him "Slim".  Or maybe "Three Percent".  That's the figure we were quoted - those were our chances of having a second child by birth without doing in vitro.  Maybe even with in vitro.  About the same odds as a woman getting pregnant on the birth control pill.  Samuel is living proof that God always gets the last word. 
    
So we're pretty sure our time has passed for having another pregnancy.  And I am totally okay with that, which for me is a sort of foretaste of the "peace that passes all understanding"...  It is *that* powerful.  Because if you've never taken a ride on the hideous roller coaster known as INFERTILITY -  lucky, lucky you.  But we also know that our family is not complete, and I suspect we were placed on the journey of adoption for a reason - just soon enough to become committed to the process before conceiving the miracle that is Samuel, but not far enough along in the adoption that our surprise pregnancy caused any hardship for anyone...  And then three years later along comes this little girl, and we are amazed at how quickly she has become our daughter in our hearts.

That's why.