Wow - it's been awhile...

As expected, time is flying now that school is in full swing and the holidays are near.  It seems every year, around Halloween, we reach the top of some invisible, cosmic hill and suddenly start rushing full speed down the other side to the end of the year.  Since my last post, Ellie has turned 22 months, Tom has had surgery (and then an emergency admission back into the hospital for complications, causing us to postpone Ellie's baptism), we've celebrated Halloween and Thanksgiving and taken a trip to Asheville to see Tom's sister and her family, Patrick has lost two teeth, Samuel has started toying with using the potty again...  Suffice it to say, our cup has runneth over.

Ellie continues to thrive.  The ear tubes have brought her hearing into normal range, and she is starting to babble - and even sing! - a lot more.  She's added a few words to her repetoire - "milk", "pumpkin" and "night-night" - and we have an evaluation scheduled next month with the state's "Babies Can't Wait" program to see if Ellie qualifies for speech therapy.  If so, they will provide services until Ellie is three, at which point the local school system will take over.  And, of course, we'll have regular speech evaluations at the cleft clinic. 

A few pictures from our visit to North Carolina.  Hard to beat the beautiful scenery...

It's still really hard to get a good picture of all three kids - stinkers! - but they're cute anyway.  :)
  

Three months home...

This week we will pass the three-month mark since our return home from China.  Thought I'd post a brief update on Ellie, and some pictures of fun fall stuff...

We recently had our first appointment with the cleft team at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.  Ellie's new surgeon, Dr. Williams, said that her lip and palate look very good.  (We knew her lip repair was awesome, so it was nice to hear that the palate repair seems to have been done well, too, as they were repaired in China by different surgeons.)  She will likely need a surgical revision to her nose and lip around the time she starts kindergarten - one of several she will have before she goes to college.  Her speech development seems good at this point, but with Ellie being so young and having had limited exposure to English, it's hard to say for sure.  The speech pathologist gave us some suggestions, and we'll have a follow-up in six months.  Ellie's dentist, Dr. Thomas, noticed some tooth decay that will need to be addressed with surgery.  We've scheduled that for early January.  Since Ellie's cleft went through the gumline, Dr. Thomas will need to do a bone graft when Ellie is six or seven in order to support her adult teeth.  Orthodontics will begin around the same time.  Ellie also had an audiology exam, which indicated some mild hearing loss in both ears and the likely presence of fluid behind the eardrums.  This was confirmed by Ellie's ENT, who recommended ear tubes (very common for children born with clefts).  That surgery is scheduled for next Monday, then we will do a follow-up with the audiologist to re-test Ellie's hearing.

Very grateful for good insurance.  :)

Now the fun stuff... Here are some pictures of the things we've been up to the past month or two.

Samuel started preschool, sporting a black eye from a run-in with our playset ladder. 

Patrick participated in his school's Boosterthon Fun Run - here he is getting squirted by the principal. 

We celebrated Patrick's birthday with a party at the kids' gymnastics studio.  Samuel in the germ - I mean, ball - pit.

In addition to outsourcing the party (a first for us, and probably a last), I let Publix make the Lightning McQueen cake.  It was yummy.

Birthday boy!  He looks especially tall to me in this picture. 

Part monkey, I'm sure of it.

Ellie on the rings - we call her Mighty Mouse.

He'll kill me for this someday.

Octoberfest at Patrick's school.  Now that we have three children, the odds of getting all of them to A) look at the camera and B) smile have diminished significantly.  I love this picture, though. 

What's a fall festival without jumpy things?  We did 'em all, and Ellie loved them.

Pumpkin painting.

Parish fall festival - more jumpy things.

Mmmmm.... meat on a stick.  Authentic Brazilian BBQ, courtesy of our parish's fabulous Brazilian community.

Brotherly love.

Venturing into the Minefield

This came across my Facebook page today, posted by a high school friend...

As much as I've enjoyed reading about Steve Jobs's amazing life and achievements since his sad passing last week, I have to say this particular tribute irked me a little.

I'm not much of a "PC" kind of person, but first of all, a little rant about the term "put up for adoption".  It's a careless term, one that implies a sort of nonchalance on the part of birth parents - as if they conducted an auction or raffle or something.  It also carries the stigma of rejection, the "unwanted" child who was "lucky" to find a family.  Children are PLACED WITH ADOPTIVE FAMILIES for various reasons - sometimes these placements are ethical and beneficial, and sometimes they are not.  (The seemingly endless debate about the ethics of adoption is complex, emotional, and sometimes downright mean.  I have had my heart pierced countless times while perusing the internet and participating in discussions with people who've been affected by adoption.  It's a minefield out there.  But I have learned.  A lot.  And for that I am grateful - although I do wish that people could dispense with the ad hominem attacks, mostly directed toward adoptive parents, and focus on the issues at hand; and that people could set aside their prejudices and preconceived notions about other members of the "adoption triad" - adoptees, birth/first parents and adoptive parents - and accept the fact that these are hard questions with equally hard answers, and that none of us possesses the necessary wisdom to solve all the problems that lead to relinquishment without the potential for causing unintended consequences...) 

In the case of Steve Jobs, he appears to have been placed with a loving couple who nurtured his God-given talents and provided the opportunity for him to achieve his full potential.  Could his birth parents, with some support, have done the same?  Perhaps - and no doubt many of the talents possessed by Steve Jobs were, at least in part, inherited from his birth parents (a method by which God gives us certain traits and abilities).  But I don't think the perception of adoption as some sort of "handicap" serves anyone well, particularly those who were adopted.   

Adoption begins with loss, there's no questioning that.  The extent to which this loss affects a child - and the adult he/she becomes - is very individual and therefore hard to quantify and impossible to predict.  Some adoptees spend little time pondering the circumstances and "what-ifs" of their adoption, and simply consider themselves fortunate to have been placed with their adoptive families; others feel deeply wounded and express a great deal of anger about the loss of their birth families.  Neither reaction is right or wrong - it is what it is for each person.  I suspect that most adoptees fall somewhere in between the "extremes", and we all know from experience that seemingly contradictory emotions can be felt at the same time.  Life is hard, and human beings are complicated. I recently read this excellent essay on the topic of "adoption guilt".  It was written by an adult adoptee who is also an adoptive parent.  I found it beautiful and inspiring, not just as an adoptive parent but also as a human being.

We can - and should - continue the debate about the ethics of adoption.  I have many thoughts on that topic, and maybe someday I will find the time and energy - between diaper changes, loads of laundry, doctors' appointments, childhood illnesses and sibling conflicts - to piece those thoughts into coherent sentences and post them on the blog as a form of cheap therapy.  But I think we need to dispense with the stereotypes about birth parents, adoptive parents, and mostly about adoptees - including my daughter and the woman she will become - because while we all are shaped by our experiences, we are also more than the sum of them.  Steve Jobs did not become an American success story primarily because he was adopted, nor do I think it's fair to say (or imply) that he did so in spite of the fact that he was adopted.  He was a talented, successful, complex human being who happened to have had adoption as a part of his history.  I don't know whether he would have changed the fact of his adoption if he could have.  I have a feeling, though, that he did not consider it some sort of "disability" or an obstacle to achievement.  Neither should we.                         

Two months home...

... and 20 months old today!  Ellie continues to amaze and amuse us with her spunky personality and (nearly) seamless transition into our family.  She is starting to use several words, although her version of them pretty much all start with /b/ or /g/ ("Mama" being a notable and welcome exception).  She says "ball" and "bye-bye" pretty clearly, as well as the most useful expression in any toddler's vocabulary - "Uh-oh!".  Other words include "GahGah" for Daddy, "Gaa" for Patrick, "NgNg" for Ginger, "bop" for book, "Boppoh" for Copper, the neighbor's dog...  So I think we're on the verge of a big word explosion, once Ellie masters a few more sounds.  Even better, she seems to understand more and more of what we're saying, and continues using signs we've taught her and sounds/gestures of her own in order to communicate what she wants.  Books have begun to hold her interest a little more, so we can usually make it through several pages before she closes the book and chooses a different one.  Progress!      

The kids are having so much fun together.  Patrick and Samuel have rekindled their brotherly friendship, now that the newness of Ellie has worn off a little and Patrick has realized that Samuel can lots of things Ellie can't do yet.  Yesterday the boys played together down in the basement while I fixed dinner, with no yelling and no tears.  Amazing.  Samuel now plays with Ellie more often than he hits her.  (It's a bit of stretch at this age to say they actually play together, but Samuel will often bring Ellie a toy, offer to give her a turn at something, entertain her while she's at the table or having her diaper changed - and she, in turn, tries to imitate everything he does, which is so endearing and also a bit scary, because Samuel is practically fearless and has the bruises to prove it.) 

The year is beginning to fly by again, now that school has started and things are going more smoothly here at home.  We recently celebrated Patrick's 7th birthday, and talk of Halloween costumes has begun.  Fall is in the air - as well as some much-needed rain - and we are enjoying (mostly) uninterrupted sleep.  Life is sweet. 

Happy 20-month Birthday, Ellie!

Enjoying a cupcake on Patrick's birthday

Bedtime Follies

Going from two kids to three has been a pretty big adjustment in many ways, but one of the most difficult (and, on my part, least expected) new challenges has been managing bedtime.

My husband doesn't have a 9 to 5 kind of job.  He does his best to be around to help out during the week, but that means he's usually home at 7 instead of staying until midnight or later (which he could easily do and probably still have work to bring home).  So I feed the kids at around 6, and once Daddy comes home it's bathtime - and then things are pretty much a blur for the next hour and a half or so while we try to get everybody settled for the night (or whatever portion of the night they happen to sleep).  When Tom is out of town or has to work late, it's even more insane.  Not because three kids is all that many, mind you, but because two of them are rambunctious, willful toddlers who don't follow directions, aren't yet able to do anything for themselves, and can't be left alone for five seconds - and Patrick, as helpful as he can be at times, is a six-year-old boy, which makes him slightly more inclined to ramp things up than he is to help settle things down.

I would love to get to the point where Tom or I could read to Samuel and Ellie together, but they are just too young right now and Ellie isn't used to sitting through story time.  So after we've done the bath and managed to wrangle the little ones into their PJs, Patrick gets his stories first - since he usually gets up the earliest and is way beyond napping - while one of us entertains the little ones in the playroom.  Then it's Samuel's turn for stories with Daddy, and Ellie's turn with me.  That's when the real fun begins.

Ellie loves her bottle.  We sit in her darkened room while she drinks her formula, with her lovey in the crook of one arm and her nearest arm tucked under mine (LOVE that).  White-noise machine, blackout curtains, ceiling fan on "high" to cool the room.  We hold each other while we rock, and I sing, and it's all incredibly sweet - until the formula is gone.  Then begins a routine that can only be described as a cross between a dance, a wrestling match and an Olympic floor-pacing event.  Ellie wiggles.  She squirms.  She playfully pinches.  Sometimes, she hits - babbling and giggling all the while.  I get up out of the glider and walk slowly back and forth across the room, cradling her and singing softly.  She tries to get down - at which point I place her gently in her crib, stroking her softly and still singing.  She wiggles.  She squirms.  She babbles and bounces.  I pick her up and begin pacing again, trying to cradle her as she writhes in my arms - and ultimately, sometimes after several repeats, she falls asleep.  Often within moments of being at her squirmiest.  I pace a few minutes more to be sure she is asleep, then ever-so-carefully place her in the crib and tiptoe out of her room.  Whew.

I recently described a little of this routine to my mom, and when I got to the carrying-Ellie-around-the-room part she said, "Oh, you don't want to start that, do you?"  A fair question - from a person who's never parented a recently-adopted toddler.  No, at 19 months I wouldn't have been pacing the floor with either of my boys, unless they were sick.  But Ellie has only been home six weeks - and sleep-wise, response-time-wise, we are to treat her as if she were a newborn.  A newborn who happens to weigh 23 pounds.  Exhausting, yes - but it's been great for my biceps, and I've lost more than 10 pounds since we got back from China.  The really good news is, it's usually taking less than half an hour now - at one point, it had been taking about an hour each night to get her to sleep.  And truth be told, I wouldn't miss the struggle for anything -  because in sticking through it we are building trust, which is our most important task right now.  An easier bedtime routine will have to wait.

By the way, she hasn't slept through the night again since I posted about it on the blog.  Jinx.                

Shhh... don't say anything...

Ellie has slept through the night the past two nights.  Heaven. 

Shhh...  :)

One month home

We've reached the one-month mark, and things are starting to settle in.  Life with two toddlers is a challenge, and we definitely have our moments of feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed.  (Especially me.)  But Ellie is doing great, and every day we can see that she's becoming more and more comfortable with us.  Her diet has advanced amazingly fast - she's gone from gagging on small pieces of watermelon in China to eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and hot dogs.  She is active, inquisitive and affectionate.  She uses several signs to communicate, and is babbling constantly now.  Her pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health, with all of her blood work and stool studies coming back normal.  We can't wait to see what the next few months will bring!

Here's one of my favorite pics of our cute girl, who is 19 months old today.  :)

Our little ladybug

    

On a lighter note...

Starting to (sort of) enjoy being a big brother...

They always do this right when I'm about to start making dinner.

Loves spaghetti!

Playing nice...

Still playing nice...

A visit from my sister's family - what a crew!

Fun with Daddy and cousin Jason

The Summer of our Discontent

It's hot.  We're all tired.  The house is cluttered, which drives me nuts.  The kids are cranky and bored.  We could all use a vacation, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen anytime soon.  Blah.

I think no matter how you add a child to your family, the first few months really suck.  Sure, there are lots of happy firsts, and we've certainly had our share of smiles getting to know Ellie and enjoying our three children.  But there's still a lot of adjusting to do, and quite honestly I have never worked harder in my life than I have these past few weeks.  And there is no sign of a break.

Samuel continues to struggle mightily in his new position as middle child, and while it's totally normal and assuredly temporary, it is hard to watch him be so miserable.  Not to mention listen to all the whining.  He is acting out in every possible way, including being aggressive toward Ellie which is hard to deal with.  I miss my smiley, goofy, happy-go-lucky boy.  Patrick is great with Ellie and generally tries to be helpful, but he seems to have decided to spend the last few weeks of summer honing his debating skills in preparation for first grade.  He really, really needs to go back to school.  Ellie is doing incredibly well, but has started getting up really early in the morning (a Warren trait she's quickly acquired), so I'm starting each day with a child in my arms before I've even had a chance to brush my teeth.  I haven't had a full, hot cup of coffee in weeks.  

One bright spot in our efforts to survive these first few weeks has been the tremendous blessing of food from our friends and family.  My mom and mother-in-law left food in the freezer for us, and a number of friends have brought us dinner since we've been home.  What a great gift in the midst of our own little chaos every evening.

Without wishing away the time completely, I do have to try to look forward a little just to keep my sanity.  In the short term, I'm looking forward to my dad's visit this coming week, school starting for Patrick and Samuel, and Ellie getting more and more comfortable every day.  Maybe even sleeping in a little once again.  In the long term, I think our spirits will lift once the temperatures begin to drop and we can spend more time outdoors.  Fall is such a fun time of year, and we'll get some family time at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Seems like a long way off right now, but as they say, the days are long but the years are short when your children are young, and someday soon this time of adjustment will seem like a dream - and a not-so-bad one at that.   

"What happened to her parents?"

Wow.  Wasn't really ready for someone I'd JUST MET to ask me that question about Ellie.  The answer I gave - "We don't know" - is true, and frankly about as much as this person was entitled to hear even if it weren't.  (I suppose a snarky, adoption-minded reply would have been, "Why, nothing has happened to her parents - her dad is at work and I'm right here."  But I never think of those zingers at the right time, and even if I did I'd probably be too chicken to use them.  Damn.)

The sad fact is that we don't have any information about Ellie's birth parents.  There is no legal channel for parents to place their children for adoption in China.  The children are relinquished anonymously - in other words, they are abandoned.   

We know some details of how Ellie came to be cared for by the Jiaozuo Social Welfare Institute, but as far as we're concerned, that information belongs to her and isn't ours to share.  This is a great article explaining the importance of privacy in matters related to adoption.  I'm going to re-read it and start working on my standard, gracious-but-assertive reply to nosy, annoying questions.       

Too tired to post much...

... but we have survived the first week home and are starting to get a little more sleep each night.  Ellie continues to do well, but there has been more grief and apprehension since we've been home and it's been very hard at times - not to mention dealing with Samuel, our two-year-old, who is a complete disaster.  (The second day Ellie was home, he told her to "go to China!".  Oy.)  So we are exhausted, but each day things get a little better - and, praise God, Samuel starts preschool in just a few weeks. 

I won't stay up late to write, but here are a few happy memories from our trip to China - Ellie and Daddy.  :)

Yes, that's Daddy's Blackberry Ellie's using in the last picture.  We promise not to buy her a cell phone anytime soon.

At last

So good to be home.  We are exhausted and a little overwhelmed, but so happy to finally have our family together.  Adjustments are being made, as we've now made the shift from man-to-man coverage to a zone defense - I'm learning to let some of the little things get by and just focus on not giving up the big yardage.  There are still things to unpack, pictures to organize, phone calls to return.  We've been up since 3:30 AM.  But everyone in the family is fed, including the dog.  Everyone has on clean clothes.  It's just before 9 PM and the children are all asleep.  Life is beautiful.

Ellie is now an American citizen.  It was a pretty complicated mix of emotions as we left China to bring Ellie home, and time alone will tell how she will feel about all of this when she grows up.  There will be many questions we cannot answer, and others we won't want to - but we will for her sake, when the time is right.  In the end, it will be Ellie's story to tell.  But I hope that she will always be proud to be Chinese and glad to be an American.

I have lots of pictures to sort through from our trip, so I will post some favorites over the next week or so.  Many thanks to Sharon Nix for being our blogger while we were traveling.  And a few people have asked what we need for Ellie, which is so sweet, but really we need nothing.  If anyone wishes to give a gift for Ellie, we would love a donation in her honor to one of the following organizations (who will know her by her Chinese name, Hu San Ping)...

The New Hope Foundation , who cared for Ellie from a very early age until we adopted her, providing her with expert medical care and lots of TLC.  Ellie is the happy, healthy child she is because of the Hope Foundation.

MedArt of Hong Kong - China Orphan Outreach, whose talented doctors performed surgery on Ellie pro bono, including a lip repair that truly is a work of art. 

Chinese Children Charity Fund, a charitable organization established by our adoption agency to improve the quality of life of the many, many abandoned children in China who will not be placed for adoption, most of whom have medical needs. 
   

Headed Home

We're in the Shanghai airport awaiting our flight to Atlanta.  Ellie is a good little traveler - she slept in my arms most of the way from Guangzhou, after only a few minutes of crying.  We're so glad to be on a non-stop flight home.  Once we pass through Customs and Immigration in Atlanta, we are home free.   

 

It was sad to part ways with our awesome travel group.  We have lots of great pictures from the famous "red couch" at the White Swan Hotel, and from Lucy's Bar and Grill where we had dinner with several families last night.  I'll post more pictures when I can.

 

With each passing leg of the journey behind us, we feel a growing sense of relief and contentment.  We've missed the boys so much, and we are eager to begin the task of establishing our "new normal".  We can't wait for everyone to meet Ellie, but for a little while after we get home we will need to concentrate on just being a family.  It's easy for children who are newly adopted to feel overwhelmed, and the three of us are going to be dealing with jet lag and probably not sleeping very well, so we are planning to take it one day at a time and see how Ellie's adjustment goes.  We'll also have quite a few doctor's visits in the coming weeks.  Hopefully we'll be ready for visitors soon. 

 

So long from China.  We can hardly wait to be home. 

Crazy Days

It’s been harder than I thought it would be to update the blog each day.  Between the traveling, the appointments we have to keep, the time difference, some technical difficulties, Ellie’s sleeping schedule, and trying to spend some time exploring our surroundings and having some fun, it’s been a challenge to find the time to sit down at the computer.  Plus there’s shopping to do.  J

It is hot and very humid here in Guangzhou, but Shamian Island is beautiful and we feel so much more relaxed here than we did in Zhengzhou.  Getting here, unfortunately, was not so easy – our flight from Zhengzhou was delayed five hours due to bad weather in Guangzhou, and we spent much of that delay sitting on the tarmac with very little air conditioning and some very grumpy babies (not to mention adults).  Fortunately we had food with us for Ellie, and she was pretty cheerful about the whole thing – until it was time to go to sleep on the plane, which remained stiflingly hot even after take-off and Ellie was having no part of lying quietly in my lap.  Eventually, though, exhaustion and the motion of the plane won out and Ellie slept peacefully the rest of the flight.  We landed in Guangzhou sweaty, hungry and tired, and finally arrived at the hotel at 1AM on Saturday.  It was an excruciatingly long day for the whole group, but everybody held it together and the kids were amazing. 

On Sunday our group went to the Shamian Island medical clinic for the kids’ medical exams.  The children were weighed and measured, given a brief ENT check, and their physical condition was compared to the information on their orphanage medical report (which we received when we were matched with our children).  The main purposes of the medical exam are to make sure the children don’t have any signs of communicable disease prior to leaving the country, and to be sure that the adoptive parents are aware of the children’s medical conditions prior to taking them home.  If there is any discrepancy between the findings during the physical exam and what the parents were told in the medical report from the orphanage, there can be some issues.  Children over age 2 are also given a skin TB test, which is checked a couple of days later for signs of exposure to TB.  Fortunately, everyone in our group made it through the medical exam without any problems (other than some rather unhappy children, Ellie being one of them), and most of the children were exempt from the TB requirement due to their age.  So one more hurdle cleared.

We finally had time today to explore the island a little, which has a great deal of European influence in its architecture and lots of lovely places to walk.  And they have a Starbucks -  heaven!  It rained twice while we were out - brief, tropical showers that were actually very refreshing.  Ellie enjoyed playing in the puddles afterward, which drew some curious looks, but she was having such fun we didn’t care in the least.  Because of our proximity to the U.S. Consulate, there are so many adoptive families here it is almost as common to see a Chinese child with a Western couple as it is to see a Chinese child with Chinese parents.  People still stare a little, but that seems like more of a cultural thing and we are starting to get used to it.  

Ellie is doing so well.  The more adoptive families we meet, the more we realize how very blessed we are that she received such excellent care from the Hope Foundation.  In almost every way, she is a typical 17-month-old – she walks, runs, smiles, waves, blows kisses, laughs, gets into everything, and hates having her diaper changed.  She sometimes fights the nap (and then sleeps for 2 or 3 hours), likes to be held (until she sees something interesting), and is curious about everything (especially the things she shouldn’t play with, like the potty).  She seems especially drawn to fish (they have a beautiful indoor water feature here at the White Swan hotel, complete with koi), so we will have to take a trip to the Georgia Aquarium sometime soon.  She likes pretty shoes and dresses.  She loves books, and enjoys songs with finger play (like “Itsy Bitsy Spider”).  So far she has learned the signs for “fish”, “candy”, “milk”, “pretty” and “more”, and most importantly she seems very comfortable with us.  Of course she doesn’t understand the full scope of what’s happening here, but at the very least she seems to have decided that we are pretty good nannies.  Hey - we’ll take it.  J 

The only delay we’ve noticed so far is her inability (or reluctance) to deal with foods that aren’t super mushy.  She’ll eat crackers broken into small pieces, and LOVES mini-M&Ms J, but other than that she prefers very soft foods and gags easily on anything else.  But with her palate repaired only six weeks ago, there really hasn’t been much time for her caregivers to introduce a lot of different foods.  Hopefully her diet will advance quickly once we’re home.  She also still takes a bottle of formula several times a day, but that is very typical for these children and it creates a nice opportunity to bond.  So we will not be taking the bottle away anytime soon – but I am trying to get her used to having her teeth brushed, because I do worry about the effects of extended bottle-feeding on her little teeth (which are often a source of problems for cleft kids to begin with).  

Tomorrow we have our consulate appointment, which will include an interview of some sort and a ceremony to take the oath for Ellie’s citizenship.  They do not allow cameras, so we probably won’t get any pictures – but it will be a big milestone, as it is the last official step in the adoption process.  I don’t think we’ll exhale completely, though, until we’ve passed through Customs and Immigration in Atlanta and it is truly finished.   

Just three more days…

(P.S. – These are a few pictures of our walk along the “Green Way” on Shamian Island.  Please pardon the appearance of my hair in these and any future pictures from Guangzhou.  Folks, there isn’t enough hair goo in all of China to get my thick, wavy mop to behave in this humidity.  Thank God my hair is short.)

Ellie's first swim

Well, we're pretty sure it was her first swim.  In any case, she really enjoyed the water and it was a fun way to pass some time this afternoon.  A far cry from yesterday, which was hard on us all.  The other pictures were taken in the hotel room, blowing bubbles with Daddy and playing with the world's greatest toddler toy - the Amazing Stainless Steel Hotel Ice Bucket.  Who knew?  I guess it's just the away-from-home version of pots and pans.

We went to the park today, forgetting to bring along the camera - which I was really bummed about at first, but once we were there I was kinda glad to give the American tourist gig a rest and just be a family at the park.  (A very unusual-looking family here, but just a family nonetheless)  Near a refreshment stand, Ellie started playing with another little girl, which attracted the attention of an older woman who spoke some English.  She asked about Ellie, obviously wondering what in the world Tom and I were doing bringing a little Chinese girl to the park - so I showed her the nametag our agency had given us, which has our name, Ellie's Chinese name, and explains in English and Chinese that we are adopting her.  (Plus the name of our hotel, which could come in handy in a pinch.)  The woman and the mother of the little girl Ellie was playing with talked with us for quite awhile, using the little English they knew and helping me with the very little Mandarin that I've learned so far.  There were some older children there, too, I think the grandkids or nieces and nephews of the older lady, and she was prodding them to show off their English skills and be our interpreters.  I tried reassuring them that it was okay, they didn't need to perform for us, but they did seem eager to communicate in spite of their initial shyness.  They were incredibly sweet, beautiful children, and they reminded me of the fifth graders I used to teach - kids are so much the same everywhere.  And their English was excellent.  The older boy finally asked me why we were in China (he'd missed the first part of the conversation, and Ellie had since wandered off with Tom to explore), so I explained what I could and then showed him our nametag.  He read it and said, "Very good!" with a big smile - leaving me to wonder, as I often have, how the Chinese people really feel about children being adopted by foreigners.  I'm sure the feelings are as mixed here as they are anywhere else.  But the warmth of the people at the park today was absolutely genuine, and I do get the feeling that people generally wish us well.  And it was a reminder to me as a traveler (especially as an American) that you have to be willing to let your guard down, because most people aren't out to steal your wallet, make off with your passport, or poke fun at you for sounding ridiculous when you try to speak the language.  Most of the time, people are just curious - and usually, they are very kind.      



"World's Greatest Toddler Toy"



 



Blowing bubbles with daddy



Tomorrow we will receive Ellie's Chinese passport and then fly to Guangzhou, where it will be even hotter than it is here.  We will have two appointments at the U.S. Consulate - the first will be Ellie's medical exam, and the second will be to complete the process of obtaining Ellie's visa to enter the United States.  And then we can go home.

Our trip to Jiaozuo

Yesterday we drove to Jiaozuo, the city where Ellie’s orphanage is located, to have our adoption certificate and other paperwork notarized. (Orphanages in Henan province have not been involved in international adoption as long as some of the other orphanages in China, and for a time every city in Henan required adoptive parents to travel from the provincial capital to have their paperwork notarized locally. A few years ago, our agency began a program to place children with special needs – like Ellie – from Henan, thus increasing the number of children from Henan being adopted by foreign parents and making the trips to each individual city a logistical nightmare. So, after some discussion, the outlying cities relented and agreed to have the Zhengzhou notary handle the adoption paperwork – every city except Jiaozuo. So off we went.)

The complete experience of our trip to Jiaozuo will have to be detailed in another post. Suffice it to say, there was a very small problem with our adoption certificate that both we and our agency had missed. This very small problem became a very big problem when it became clear that our paperwork could not be notarized. I don’t want to go into the details of how our agency representatives and the kind staff in the notary’s office set about trying to fix the problem. But we were there for hours, missing a chance to visit Ellie’s orphanage and wearing thin the patience of everyone involved – including our new daughter, the world’s most cheerful and resilient toddler.

I can, however, talk about the drive. It would come as a shock to most Chinese that I have been a mother for nearly seven years and have never once held any of my children in my arms in a moving car. Until yesterday. We took a van out to Jiaozuo, driven expertly by a driver hired by our agency – and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Seat belts and car seats aren’t widely used in China. It is common to see children seated in the front passenger seat of the family car, or on the front of their parents’ moped, not a seat belt or helmet in sight. As expected, our van had no seatbelts. I took the middle row of the van, and held Ellie in my arms as we made our way out of Zhengzhou and onto the highway. Initially, the highway consisted of a stretch of asphalt approximately six lanes wide. I say "approximately" because there were no lane lines. But about half the traffic moved one direction, and half moved the other, so in spite of the exuberant honking of horns and do-it-yourself turns lanes, it was at least somewhat orderly. Ellie bounced around, looking excitedly out the windows, blissfully ignorant of the laws of physics, while I tried desperately to maintain at least some sort of hold on her and Tom kept digging stuff out of the backpack to try and distract her and get her to sit in my lap. Finally, Ellie fell asleep in my arms as we turned onto a more carefully-marked highway, and I was able to relax a little – silently thanking God that we’d left the boys at home and therefore only had to fear for the life of one child at the moment.

I had hoped that the smog would lessen somewhat once we got further from Zhengzhou and out into the countryside. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and it made me all the sadder for the people of China. The pollution here is terrible. And to the extent that our Western desire for cheap goods has contributed to it, shame on us. The ultra-conservatives who balk at any kind of environmental regulation need to come live in China for awhile. And bring their kids. They might experience a change of heart.

Jiaozuo turned out to be a fairly large city, with several parks and monuments that looked quite beautiful – except for the thick haze hanging everywhere. We arrived at the notary’s office a little after 3 PM, planning to be done in less than half an hour and then pay a visit to Ellie’s orphanage – something we’d been hoping to have chance to do ever since we heard that it was required for us to go to Jiaozuo. Many parents consider the orphanage visit to be a highlight of the adoption trip, with a chance to take pictures of their children’s caregivers and friends, and a chance for the child to say goodbye. Which may seem like it would be distressing for the child, but I have heard so many adoptive parents’ accounts of their visits to their children’s orphanages, and even the young children seem to experience a sense of release once the orphanage nannies see them with their new parents and give their "blessing" for the child to go with them. It’s typically not the nannies who bring the children to the provincial capital to meet their adoptive parents – it’s the orphanage director or assistant director– so the children don’t have a chance to make a connection between their former caregivers and their new parents. We had decided that, given the opportunity, we would take Ellie to say goodbye to her ayis (eye-eez – in this context, "nannies"), and thank them for taking care of her.

As it turns out, we left the notary’s office a little after six, with one extra passenger – a notary who had agreed to drive back all the way back to Zhengzhou with us to notarize the new adoption certificate (I told you this was complicated) – and a very grumpy toddler. Fortunately, we had another bottle with us and plenty of snacks left, so Ellie didn’t have to endure the trip hungry – but she was fussy, bored, and tired of being cooped up. Because of traffic, the drive back to the hotel took over two hours and was equally harrowing – in fact, even more so, because there were more cars on the road and people were in more of a hurry. And Ellie didn’t sleep at all.

I’ll have to detail the experience at the notary’s office in another post, but there were some highlights – Ellie charmed everyone with her infectious smile and silly toddler antics; she learned the signs for "fish" and "candy" while we waited (there was a little goldfish in a bowl on a small table in the notary’s office, with which Ellie was quite fascinated, and at one point Tom was feeding her mini-M&Ms in desperation to help pass the time); she walked with Tom up and down the stairs of the building, leaving me out of sight without crying for the first time since we met and showing a fierce determination to master the difficult task of step-climbing; and best of all, when the notary office director – a lovely woman who spoke Chinese in a sweet voice to Ellie – tried to get Ellie to come to her, Ellie turned and ran toward us, only turning back to smile at the woman once she was safely back in my arms. It may not seem like much, but that was a huge moment for Tom and me. Even the notary director noticed, smiling and saying something to the effect of, "She wants her mommy!" A very big day for little Miss Ellie.

So that is our long post about the trip to Jiaozuo, and it isn’t even really the half of it. Throughout the afternoon, I just kept reminding myself that this would be a funny story for us someday. Not yet – but someday.

Ellie is our daughter!

At long last, the big day arrived.  On the morning of July 11, we and 13 other CCAI families met our new children.  The morning was filled with tension as we all waited together as the orphanages throughout the province brought our children to us, one by one.  Ellie was one of the first to arrive.  She is beautiful!  After a few minutes of tears, Ellie warmed up to us (especially Beth) quickly.   It was not long before we got to enjoy firsthand Ellie's warm smile.  She smiles often, and likes to smile for the camera! 

 

Ellie bonded with Beth very quickly and does not like to be more than a few feet from her at any time.  She is gradually venturing out a little farther with each passing hour.  On Monday night we went to the hotel bar for a dinner (Italian--not testing the local cuisine but it sure hit the spot), and Ellie showed us that she loves to dance.  Already starting to worry about the teenage years...

 

The next day, Tuesday, July 12, we obtained the official registration of the adoption--Ellie is now our daughter!  We felt the joy and relief of the adoption being final after all this time.  Happy and tired, we are now ready to come home.  But we have another week in China.  Tomorrow, we travel to Jiaozuo (About 60 miles from Zhengzhou) to have the adoption registration notarized.  We hope to be able to go to Ellie's orphanage.

 

The days are exhausting, but fotunately, so far Ellie sleeps well.  Off to get some rest because tomorrow is another big day.

 

 

 

 

Today's the day!

We left Beijing yesterday morning - after being there for less than 12 hours - and flew to Zhengzhou ("jeng-joe"), capital of Henan province.  We spent the afternoon checking in, exchanging currency, doing a little shopping at the local Walmart, and catching up on sleep.  (I have some interesting pictures, but we've had some computer glitches so I'm not going to try to upload any right now.  I'll include some in the next post.)

 

We have a large group - 14 families - and it's been fun getting to know everyone.  All of the couples already have children, but this is the first adoption for many of them, just like us.  One couple is adopting two little boys, one from Henan and the other from another province.  Both boys are deaf, as is the adoptive father.  They brought their three older children with them - a lovely, amazing family.        

 

Our guides are fantastic.  George, our guide in Beijing, hustled everyone through the check-in process at the Beijing airport yesterday when it became clear that our large group wasn't going to make our flight if the security staff continued to hand-search every single checked bag (after X-raying it) and confiscate every bottle of lotion, hairspray and deodorant.  On our own, we would never have made it in time.  George was awesome.  Yisha ("ee-sha"), our guide in Zhengzhou, distributed question and answer sheets yesterday that had been submitted by our agency to our children's respective orphanages.  The questions had to do with each child's diet, daily routine, sleep habits, likes and dislikes.  So now we know more about our children and how to make them feel as comfortable as possible during this huge transition.  Ellie's information sheet states that she is "active and lively"...  Hmmm... reminds me of a couple other children I know and love...  :)

 

We meet Ellie in three hours - 10 AM local time.  It almost seems impossible, but soon she will be on her way to Zhengzhou with an official from her orphanage to meet us at the Civil Affairs office here in the city.  I'm praying that things will go smoothly, that all the children will arrive safely, and that they won't be too frightened.  I hope we can find a way to make Ellie smile and know that she is safe.  I wish I could say that I've mastered a little Mandarin. (So far, I've said "hello" and "thank you", to which the reaction of the local Chinese has been cool to say the least.  But I am trying.)  I do know how to say, "I love you", though, and what could be more important than that?  I have no doubt that Ellie's comprehension of English will surpass my understanding of Chinese in about 3 days.  How comfortable she'll feel with us remains to be seen.  But we cannot wait to have her in our arms at last.

And we're off!

We're starting a slow descent as we near Seattle.  The spectacular scenery reminds me how beautiful the western part of the United States is, and how we need to travel out here with the kids someday.  So far, the traveling has been easy, Tom and I have been able to catch a few much-needed winks, and I'm trying to get used to *not* having kids tagging along - at least for the next couple of days.  (The benefits of this became delightfully clear to me at the Atlanta airport, where we breezed through security without a stitch of baby gear to collapse and cram into the X-ray machine, and when I ordered lunch in less than one minute without consulting anyone and didn't care a whit whether there was any fruit included with said lunch.)

It was hard to leave the boys, though.  Very, very hard.  A few tears were shed as our plane departed Atlanta.  Hopefully the time will pass quickly for all of us, and I know the boys will have a great time with their grandparents.

Next post will be from China!

The Plan

We had a fun, informative conference call with our agency and travel group yesterday in order to go over our travel itinerary and resolve any last-minute questions.  Here's a brief summary of our trip...

July 9th - Meet up with our group in Beijing
July 10th - Fly to Zhengzhou late Sunday morning
July 11th - Go to the registration office and RECEIVE ELLIE on Monday afternoon; sign Guardianship Agreement
July 12th - Adoption registration in Zhengzhou
July 13th - Travel by car to Jiaozuo to complete notary paperwork;  possible visit to Ellie's orphanage
July 14th - Free time/optional tours
July 15th - Receive Ellie's Chinese passport;  depart Zhengzhou for Guangzhou (by air) Friday evening
July 16th - Go to the U.S. Consulate for Ellie's medical exam and visa photo;  meet with agency representative to complete paperwork in preparation for Monday's consulate appointment
July 17th - Free time
July 18th - Consulate appointment (to take the oath for Ellie's visa/citizenship)
July 19th - Receive Ellie's visa packet
July 20th - Depart Guangzhou for Shanghai (by air) Wednesday morning;  depart Shanghai for Atlanta at 3:45 PM local time;  arrive home a mere 3 hours later, at 6:45 PM on July 20th, EDT.  Undoubtedly those will be the longest "3 hours" of our lives.  :)

Sound busy?  It does to me, too.  And I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to pronounce "Jiaozuo".  But one thing I know for sure after last night's conference call:  Our agency is going to take VERY good care of us.  It's going to be a great adventure!   

This is a test...

Sharon Nix, Tom's wonderful assistant and a great friend to our family, has agreed to post our blog entries while we're in China.  Access to blogging is... shall we say... limited in China, but email is available.  So we will email Sharon our blog entries and pictures while we're traveling, and she will post them for us. 

Sharon wanted to do a practice post, so here's a recent photo of the boys just for fun.  :)

More great news from China!

Okay, how cute is THIS?

This picture was taken less than two weeks ago.  Ellie had her palate repaired on May 30th.  We weren't sure whether it would be done before we brought her home, but it's great to have that behind her and it should make the introduction of new foods a little easier.  She will almost certainly need more surgeries as she grows, but other than the possibility of ear tubes there shouldn't be anything in the immediate future now that her palate is repaired.  And what a smile!!!

Ellie's updated growth report states that she can walk, say "mama", and - perhaps most importantly - she can understand what is being said to her.  That is a huge relief, because hearing issues related to excess fluid are common among children with cleft palate who have not been evaluated for ear tubes.  Hopefully now that her palate is repaired she will have an easier time learning to say new words.  But the fact that her receptive language skills appear to be normal is excellent news.

Our agency is busy finalizing our travel plans.  We now have contact information for the families who are traveling with us, so I imagine over the next week or so there will be a flurry of emails as we begin getting to know each other.  We'll have a conference call later this week so that our agency can give advice about the trip and answer any questions we have.

We will probably meet Ellie two weeks from today!